Daredevil kids and mean kids
It’s been an interesting couple of weeks. E hurt his neck. We’re not sure how, but, as a parent, whenever a kid complains about a sore neck, you worry. “OMG what if it’s meningitis?” (It wasn’t. Thankfully.) It was Torticollis which sounds scary, but it’s essentially a “Tight Collar”, muscle spasm which misaligns the vertebrae in the neck. He’ll be fine in a few days. Great experience at the clinic and the chiropractor it was all cleared up in about a week. So E’s back to the somersaults, handstands, etc.
I’ve been sitting on this next bit for a while, letting it stew…
Bullies suck.
I went through it. C is already going through it at school and it breaks my heart.
So here, based on what I can get out of him, is what’s happening: He and his “friends” play tag at recess. Thing is, they only to chase him, and then they jump on him. When we asked him whether he got the chance to do the chasing, instead of being chased, he matter-of-factly says they always chase him because he’s the slowest runner. There have also been other isolated incidents. It all adds up.
The thing is, he doesn’t seem to realize, or care, that he’s being bullied. He just takes it. Doesn’t even tell the teacher. But I can tell it bothers him deep down. I’ve seen it before…
I fully admit that I’m sensitive about the whole subject of bullying. I also realize that just about everybody has to go through being picked on at some time or another. It seems some kids just instinctively know how to deal with it. It gets boring for the bullies and they move on. And that’s part of what worries me. I was picked on. It started pretty early, I never really learned how to deal with it, and it continued. And it affected me. My self-confidence, my self-image. It probably affected my performance in school, definitely my social life.
I do NOT want him to go through that. He is the sweetest boy. Scary smart. Thoughtful. Caring. Wears his heart on his sleeve. Always eager to please. So much potential.
I do NOT want that potential stifled.
We’ve talked to the teacher, and to her credit she’s done her part.
But, how can I teach him to deal with it and cope with it when I’m not sure I ever learned how?
We’re going sign him up for karate, so at the very least, he’ll learn how to stick up for himself a bit. At best, he’ll learn the pinky of death (or is that kung fu). Other than that I’m open to suggestions…
John, This is such a thoughtful post. I think the karate is an excellent idea. And I can’t belive that bullshit still goes on. With all of the anti-bullying information in the schools, it doesn’t seem to make the kids compassionate to each other. I wish I had a clue what the real answer is…
Indeed, bullys suck. Looking back on one of my experiences, it kinda came down to learning a bit about deciding not to please “everybody”, to choosing who was worth the effort (or more importantly, who was not worth it).
One of my primary school experiences being bullied came to an end when I finally tried to fight the bully. We fought 4 times in one day, recesses, lunch, etc. Each time I lost the fight, but we were taken in to the principal’s office and the principal figured out pretty quickly that the bully and I were having issues and the bully, with his track record, didn’t appreciate the attention, so didn’t bother me again after that.
It’s unfortunate that it seems to come down to defending oneself, but I think that it winds up being an important ability to have, and confers some needed self-confidence. That, and the confidence to decide that someone’s not worth your time.
All this should be taken with a massive grain of salt, since you are much further along in the fatherhood path than I am!
Brave post, John. Cheers for that.
The karate is a good idea, not just because of the potential to learn ass-kicking skills that may come in handy, but because it gives him a place to grow and develop as a person away from the schoolyard.
Coaching hockey for a few years I saw it more than once. Kids that, I assume, were bullied (or were at least social outcasts) flourished in a different social environment.
The confidence he’ll gain from something like karate, and the sense of belonging, will go a long way to offsetting any damage done by the bullies.
Am I a bad mom? My first thought if one of mine complained about a sore neck would be: you idiot. what piece of furniture did you jump off now?
Aidan started dealing with the bullying thing a couple of years ago, it is tough. I thought about the whole martial arts thing…but the problem is that as much as I would love to tell Aidan to just punch the bully in the face, the fact is that he would be the one ending up with the suspension and mark on his OSR and nothing would happen to the bully.
The best thing is what you are already doing, talk with him about it, keep the dialogue going with the school and let the teachers handle it.